the fibers in my muscles, each and every one, up at arms. bristling, burning hot with a slow rage i can't stand to feel. the feeling of anger reserved for when i'm hurt and don't know how to deal with it other than acting like an animal cut and bleeding, backing away from the help it needs to be healed. and then i feel it begin. it, the low wild shaking that starts somewhere deep inside my chest, radiates outward all the way down my limbs vibrating every joint, tendon, the very sinew of my soul. i'm burning up in my face, neck, chest, heart, hands, everywhere as an icy shot of pure sorrow runs right through my veins; the shaking intensifies and i can't, i just can't. i fall to the floor. defeated again. tears soaked right through my skin. i want to cry out so i know i'm not alone, but i can't open up my mouth. assuming no one will hear me if i do, no one does hear me because i don't. i am so incredibly foolish.
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i don't know how to not push you all away...i'm sorry
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